December 27, 11:00 p.m.My Dear America,Ive never written a love letter, so forgive me if I fail now. . . .The simple thing would be to say that I love you. But, in truth, its so much more than that. I want you, America. I need you.Ive held back so much from you out of fear. Im afraid that if I show you everything at once, it will overwhelm you, and youll run away. Im afraid that somewhere in the back of your heart is a love for someone else that will never die. Im afraid that I will make a mistake again, something so huge that you retreat into that silent world of yours. No scolding from a tutor, no lashing from my father, no isolation in my youth has ever hurt me so much as you separating yourself from me.I keep thinking that its there, waiting to come back and strike me. So Ive held on to all my options, fearing that the moment I wipe them away, you will be standing there with your arms closed, happy to be my friend but unable to be my equal, my queen, my wife.And for you to be my wife is all I want in the world. I love you. I was afraid to admit it for a long time, but I know it now.I would never rejoice in the loss of your father, the sadness youve felt since he passed, or the emptiness Ive experienced since you left. But Im so grateful that you had to go. Im not sure how long it would have taken for me to figure this out if I hadnt had to start trying to imagine a life without you. I know now, with absolute certainty, that is nothing I want.I wish I was as true an artist as you so that I could find a way to tell you what youve become to me. America, my love, you are sunlight falling through trees. You are laughter that breaks through sadness. You are the breeze on a too-warm day. You are clarity in the midst of confusion.You are not the world, but you are everything that makes the world good. Without you, my life would still exist, but thats all it would manage to do.You said that to get things right one of us would have to take a leap of faith. I think Ive discovered the canyon that must be leaped, and I hope to find you waiting for me on the other side.I love you, America.Yours forever,Maxon