I think I realized intellectually at that point, watching the city slowly give way to the last vestiges of parkland and then the black spruce forests of the North, that I could come back to the land deeply fearful, or I could choose to see it as a place of healing. Pain colours us; we carry it behind our eyes for a long time after its passed. At some point, we have to decide whether were willing to let it take over our lives and change them permanently, or whether were going to wrench ourselves open again to the world. I couldnt make that choice in the city.

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