“'Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty.”

“You know you have a gambling problem when it's 4 A.M. at the Mirage Sports Book and you're walking around going, 'Hey you get the lacrosse scores?'”

“When you're an adult, when times are good, entire years go by in what feels like the space of one season. But the worst trick time plays on you is just how slowly the worst times in your life take ...”

“Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.”

“I'm like the master of ceremonies being funny, and then sometimes people you're with, girlfriends and stuff, are like, 'God I wish I had the person on stage to be with all the time.'”

“You haven’t lived till you’ve played Scrabble in a psych ward.”

“You haven’t lived till you’ve played Scrabble in a psych ward.”

“As hard as we strive, man remains a perfect imperfect being.”

“People were crazy with pain and secrets.”

“Its not like I planned it. I never woke up from some rosy dream and said, Okay, world, today Im gonna spaz.”

“I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me li...”

“I've got about ten things to say to you right now. But at least nine of them would make me sound like a psycho.In spite of the seriousness of the situation, I nearly smiled. Whats the tenth thing? ...”

“A truly happy woman drives some men and almost every other woman absolutely crazy”